That is the frequent, well-meant but awkward question these days. One answer is, “I’m not sure, I’ve never done this before.”
Except that I do know. I do know that man was not meant to be alone and I feel that intensely. But I also know that God’s plans are good; that He is fully trustworthy; and that He will never leave me or forsake me. A good answer is that I am learning the meaning of both joy and sorrow at unprecedented levels.
Elaine defined “friend,” “partner,” and “helpmate.” I know the sobbing of loneliness over her absence, and that of grieving over the memories of the sufferings which came to her, body and soul, from multiple directions. Her photos, and the mental images of her decline in the bed in our living room until that final sacred moment, melt my pseudo-manliness.
But the overflowing joy of her presence with Jesus and with our sons, and the reality of His Presence with me right here and right now, are also new. Sometimes I expect to see Jesus sitting on the sofa opposite me when I open my eyes in a quiet time. He is that real.
And I hear His voice as never before. Instruction, encouragement, correction – all at new and wonderful levels as He uses this Day to continue the II Cor. 3:18 transformation in me that I have sought and preached for 50 years. Deep calls unto deep.
I have received specific affirmation from some whose words mean a lot to me, even as I remain under judgment from others regarding the “direct” way that I speak and write. However, God is leading me into new forms of service to Him and the Church, and at least for now that means less writing and posting here. It means submitting to Him in some quiet ways that test my humanness but express His heart at new levels for me.
The magnitude of, and the challenges of reorganizing the house and my life in general around singleness, are intimidating and wearying, but “this is now” and I’m not alone. God knows the plans He has for me.
The prayers of friends have sustained me thus far, and your ongoing support will help me walk with Him in this Day including dealing with some typical senior-male health maladies.
Thank you – – THANK YOU!
Ken
Prayers are with you, for sure. God bless.
Thank you Leah. “May God prosper Frederick and you in your service to Him and to those who need Him, and may Clara grow well and give you great joy!”